Someone tell me why I’m doing this?

Ok, so I decided that this afternoon I will do work. I gave myself the morning to knit. Yesterday I finished knitting the Silk Garden Scarf, and it is currently blocking on the ironing board next to the radiator after a wash with a little wool and silk liquid. I was rather pleased, as I didn’t really enjoy knitting with two balls of super twisty Silk Garden (all Noro knitters will know that twistyness and know how bad it can get), but I love the colours and the feel of the yarn. I am being good, and not starting another project, seeing as I already have, oooooo, about 5 or 6 on the go – I forget the exact number 🙂
Anyway, what did I pick up to knit after finishing the scarf? I was sensible. I said to myself ‘go with an old project, that has been hanging around for a while, and get some cleaning up done. Simplify!’ So I picked up Clapotis, the love and simultaneous bain of all our lives. Remember how I had to rip it all up because of making a mess? Well I’m almost to the point where I messed up (because, for those who don’t know, knitting tbl on the wrong stitches for a few rows) – I can tell by how much yarn is left on the huge ball I wound. So that is good. But I have suddenly started questioning why I am knitting this. Is it because I’ve joined the bandwagon? I don’t think so – I loved lots of the ones people have made, and it looks damn cosy as a scarf rather than a wrap. Is it the yarn? Nope – I love this yarn. Regular readers will have guessed by now that I love soft and cosy, and SWT Karaoke is just that. Dream to knit with, gentle on the hands and against the skin, and the colour I bought has beautifully subtle colour changes so that I have light and dark green stripes along the scarf. Is is cos the pattern is dull – maybe a little, but it is really just the kind of thing I need right now. As long as I’m not stupid enough to make the same mistake as last time, it takes just 30 seconds to work out what row you are on, and maybe that again to work out what pattern repeat you are at (just count the drop stitches, duhhh!).
I think what made me balk today was seeing the stitches drop. I don’t know why, but I suddenly thought ‘do I want to do this? Do I like them?’ Which is stupid, because as I said, I love lots of the ones on the web. The yarn is spot on for it, and a good cheap(er) alternative. Perhaps it is just the fear of blocking it and the unevenness of the drops at the moment. I was thinking while knitting that I would probably have to iron it under a damp towel rather than block the way most do by wetting and pinning out. There isn’t enough house space in Huddersfield to do that. And I do know that I hate having so many stitch markers on the needle. I have resorted to cheap crappy freeby ones from Simply Knitting in addition to the lush ones Kimberly sent me as part of SP5 (yes, Kimberly I still love and use them, and you inspired me to buy lots of beads to make some, which hasn’t happened quite yet. Apart from one :D).
I don’t know. Sometimes you just get the fudge in knitting, the way you do in life, where you can’t decide where you are or what you are doing. So I had some 70% G&B chocolate (WW soup for lunch, so I’m allowed! Besides – it is better to stuff your face with choccy and enjoy the moment, than to keep it in the cupboard taunting you. And it was a gift, so I couldn’t avoid it), have put the knitting down the side of the sofa for while I study (the needles stick out and taunt me, but it is a reminder that I can’t do it right now), and will stick some Goldfrapp on the CD player while I type some stuff up about the articles I’ve been reading (only a couple more to read now, but typing up and reducing word count is good). And now I will brush my teeth after all that yummy healthy sugar, and will use the rush to write stuff and be productive, till I can allow myself to knit again (maybe after dinner, or while watching some of National Velvet on telly – I do better work with background noise you see).
Ooo! Almost forgot. I found a Nancy Bush book at work this week, so I’ve taken it out on loan. It is her book on folk knitting in Estonia, and while lots looks hard (much fair isle to be had), there are some beautiful lace sock patterns. She uses some rather unobtainable yarns in the patterns, but I must be able to match gauge with my huge ball of sock yarn 🙂 See! I am avoiding buying more sock yarn! Even tho I want to buy some silk stuff and some non-varigated stuff for Elfines! I’m such a matyr.
To studying!